i barfeds in our rink
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
