So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
