i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
