I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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