it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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