Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
