He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
