i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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