when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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