Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize