someone owes me an orgasm
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And then he peed in my hair
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