you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
