alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize