Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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