is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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