I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
