You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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