What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
wow bdsm is so cute
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
