So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
