two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
