dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
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