id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
