this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
