is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
