Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I smell stomach acid.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize