we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
