Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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