So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
