Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
