STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
