grandma shit on top of the toilet
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
