she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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