And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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