You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize