after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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