Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
