At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
