im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
