I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
