Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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