alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
