My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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