end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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