last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
