What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
