Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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