omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
