Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
