the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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