He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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