Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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