I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
