I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
