One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is Oprah even human
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize