Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
