Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize