Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
