dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
