is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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