Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
