My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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