omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
