Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
