Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
