i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
