i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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