I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
