He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
