If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
