She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
