I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
