All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
