absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
