Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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