Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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