The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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