If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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