I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
