I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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