I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize