if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
