Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
