I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
