I wanna bring you to show and tell
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
