I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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