I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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