so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
