Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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