did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
