Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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