I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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