I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Randomize