Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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