im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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