FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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