omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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