Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
