please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize