so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So much rum. So many feels.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
