All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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