It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
